Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
