once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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