you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
