Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
