ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
