You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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