You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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