It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
