I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
