so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
