Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
from now on my penis is your penis
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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