Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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