I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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