I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
