the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
