When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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