Your face is a jimmy john
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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