I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
