He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
