i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
