I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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