Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
