oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
