So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
