Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
