well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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