Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
