I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
