Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
