Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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