Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
