I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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