Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
