Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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