so explain again why im purple
no
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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