last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
