if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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