I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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