you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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