love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
