i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
