I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
