The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
