I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he thought i was a dude.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
