I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
