Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
