When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
