Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
