i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize