she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
