I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
