do herpes really smell.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't turn off my feet"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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