YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize