Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize