is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
