I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
