The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
