there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
