Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
