Sponge bath it is.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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