Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
