Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
