just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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