what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
