Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
