can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
