You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
