i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
