Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
