help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
