So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So squirting runs in the family.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
