She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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