bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
