New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize