just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
