I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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